myfatherwhoisgrand

He sits alone.

A frozen frame of a melting flame

His smudged and battered not so white shoes firmly on the floor

Worn out green, black and brown, rusted on his pants which lay awaiting a flood

His socks peak threw this crack, mismatched and stretched and tearing

Once fresh cut grass lie on his wrinkled shirt, which he must have worn to work

He has the look of smell, old forgotten mothballs deep within his Narnia behind his broken bedroom door.

His hands are weak and worn, Beaten and torn.

His fingers are thick, dry, cracking. They do not bend easily; they stay in an unmade fist. Spots like a leaper, healthy like a horse. The rivers are flowing all over their backs, and a desert is resting in the palms.

Upon his wrist he wears a watch that much be turned

His arms appear uncooked; loose and fragile supporting his protruding gut

The upper half seems used and moving in and out, where he is sturdy

His chin skin has begun to droop; it is low on his neck

His ears are grown out lifeless and listened

His hair is white, youthful and thinning; parted and combed like a Presley fan

His lips are thin and tearing, light pink and outspoken

The line design with on his face is deep and dedicated.

Sand is textured over his cover ignored, forgotten, or unseen

He has obviously walked where he has seen

Deep ocean blue, rained over the crashing waves; Dull and pondering

He is a people watcher

His feet begin to shuffle, his knees begin to bend, guts stands alone and his hands grip the air

The lines upon his face begin to curve, he begins to move his feet as his eyes show the sun, his lips separate and smack back together.

He puts his arm around the little girl next to him.

She gives him a kiss and leans her head over his heart.

She picks up his motionless hand and weaves her tiny fingers within.

This man does not sit alone.

Valedictorian

Do I have a choice but to allow this failure and accept my dissatisfaction?

No matter how hard I try from this point, I’ll be proven wrong.

It will never be what I originally aspired towards

The concepts of this world wrap their tentacles around my desert thoughts.

You speak lucidly and I comprehend, and then doubt myself again.

You can’t even begin to fathom the idea I begin to think

Should I allow this disgust to pass with ease or do as I do and crawl away?

 

My efforts have achieved nothing at all

I am back to square, not even one.

I dreamt of holding a letter, to show my strain, in an everyday average life.

And yet again, taken by something greater than myself and I have nothing,

Everything taken from me, you took everything from me and now when I try

I feel you again taking what isn’t yours, all that I strive to be

I see the faces, which i picture you to be, no honest working human

Nails and broken glass around the edges of whatever unworldly creation you may be

You made me try and now I look done on myself with no help from you

I question it all, everyone lives, and I begin giving up all hope once again

So explain it to me misses valedictorian, how do you survive so flawless and controlled.

I envy your conduct your every step and breathe

Trust when I say you’ve got it good

Above average, doing way more than the average

I know skeletons that would kill for your knowledge

But i see through your bone sweetheart and i don’t want it

I doubt that delighted line upon your face

I bet you dream of crawling away, just like me.

I bet you feel you felling omitted and emotions neglected because you’re still unfinished

Even with all these accomplishments

I bet you hate it all; you still don’t get what you want

You deserve it, I know it, and am staring at the doubt

And under the surface I see your slow and steady demise

 

But I have so much hope for you, as I should myself

I know in the deepest vessel of my heart that you will succeed

So, I will tell you once more, don’t fall and don’t fade.

You are strong and will withstand

Let go of the perfections you hold onto with that grip

Ease back into a body, no bones just flesh

Release that person you know best

Never accept disappointment but

Never let it carry you away.

 

 

 

To the girl I wrote this for, I am so proud of you.

 

 

The Weapon

Stop listening to my voice; don’t just hear my words take in what I am saying.

I want to be wrapped in life’s warm made comfort, left to rest.

Pain dripping from my fingertips holding the weight of life and death

The difference of tomorrow in my hands

A tight knot with a loop to hold me together

A drink to quench my very last thirst

The taste of something small slipping down my throat

Healing the inner most lining my of ripped soul

Biting my lip as it jumps uncontrollably wordlessly

Holding onto my sins

Show the world what is out there, the bodies of shame

What is there to show; to give hope?

I wear this disgrace bravely

But I speak slowly, if at all

And I head to a place where I don’t have to be

I certain demise to take me from this world

I’ve traveled toward the tops of these clouds for sometime

And for almost a minute I was there.

It wasn’t suicide I was murdered.

People took advantage of my hurt

They used me, but I didn’t kill myself, they did.

I was just the weapon

They failed however because I failed

But in actuality I was given the greatest success of my life

I lived because there are miracles and a part of me still believed in them

And that part of me still found hope

I’m a weapon still, my words are my weapon

They protect me and teach you

We all have a weapon within us

Those weapons save us, and make us who we are.

I will not be overpowered.

I am my own weapon

from tomorrow

Things were better yesterday, things were different.

I meet someone I’d always wished for, a person I once knew before

Before that person changed.

The person I looked up to

Someone who proved life was worth living

Before the mistake most can’t forgive and I can’t forget

Things were better for a short time

This fills me with enough to cling onto for a little while longer

Hoping things would stay that way, hoping I really had you back

Then I was just filled with hurt

Those days of hope weren’t real but a figment of my hearts imagination

Everything you said was a lie,

Those apologies and promise of protection

I don’t want to talk to you now I am disappointed

I had hope i am sad I had faith

I’m forced to put up a new front

I am happy for you truly only to see joy within your heart

I am upset simply because this isn’t how I wanted it to go

Everything that happened will happen again and again

And even if things change,

Things just won’t ever go back

Tomorrow will never be yesterday

And tomorrow yesterday will still have happened.

rains trace

Like a sudden screw in the sky,

Making the heavens sparkle with your might

Allowing those timid few to be fearful of your supremacy

Others to be captivated by your magnificence

They all, in one way or another, will admire your capability

And desire your strength as you build from the floor of our earth

Then soar into the atmosphere lighting up the world

For a second you awestruck their eyes

And they wish you’d stayed longer,

Fearful or not.

But Even That Would Be a Lie

If I were to tell you I was living with it, accepting it, knowing how to live with it, that would be a lie.

I am not over it, I am not sure how to live with it, I have not accepted it.

The only thing I know is that I am alive and I made it, just fine.

But that is a lie.

I don’t live, I get by.

I don’t know how to handle it, I just do.

There’s another lie.

I don’t handle, I don’t do.

I am just being a bit of nothing,

An object to someone

I am just a night to people

People that I hate

And even that is a lie because I can’t say I hate them

I don’t know them

Can I hate you still?

I am kind of thankful for you

For everything you took from me you gave me something.

I am strong.

But even that is a lie.

I am a survivor, and I struggle

and that is the best lie that I tell, because of you, I have a louder voice.