My hands are too cold and intoxicated to write.

We had to smoke. We had to get away. But we could not go outside fully and we couldn’t go too far. But we lit up and we drove away. I opened the window and we got in the car.

The cigs were lit and we laughed our asses off. Blowing the smoke out the window.

We’re idiots! Lauren said.

The smoke kept coming back into the house. I was fed up and finally went outside. The screen fell out the window. Fuck,

I said. I’m so sorry. Kate just giggled. Whole-souly giggled. Her heart was too full with love to use.

I walked outdoors. Looking in at Kate’s smiling face. Blowing smoke out the window. Finally the cigs went out and I returned the screen.

Reluctantly returning in the door I came from.
Fighting the urge to fully escape.
Oh the things I will never fully feel.

But we laughed. Fully. Drunkenly. Freely.

Feeling free and alive. Cold and crisp, craving a drive.

•   •   •   •   •   •

Photographs! Please more photographs!

Get the camera! she said. I want to remember this in the morning.

Because this is ephemeral, and we will never have this again. Please let us remember.
Because I only meet you for the first time once.
And I want to remember the moments.

•   •   •   •   •   •

I screamed I’M HAPPY! twice before I slept.

Because for the first time in a long time I felt the freedom take over from the lack of longing.

Do you want us all in one bed

or do you want two and two,

She said.

But it doesn’t matter.

Because love brought us together

and I’m almost asleep anyway.

•   •   •   •   •   •

And in the morning, it’s over. In the dim light of the pre-sun.

In the full awareness of my existence.
In the clarity of peace,
I bask.

And I feel the leftovers of those ephemeral memories.
What I thought was dirt-henna.
What I left in the cup-poison.
What I wrote on this paper-gone.
And the resonating laughter still audible in the silence of the morning.

•   •   •   •   •   •

“But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.”


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