You ask me why. Why I am smiling through my tears.
As you tell me you were raped.
you were molested.
you tried to die.
you killed your son
and your father strangled you.
As you tell me you hate your body.
your mother loves a rock.
you buried your brother
and your boyfriend’s fists hurt.
You ask me why I am smiling while your darkness oozes from your mouth,
While the ugliness of despair
drips from your eyes,
While you expose the emptiness
left behind by the earthquake that shook your soul.

I say,
Because you have nothing left.

I laugh because
the tremors have shaken away the dust of previousness.

And you are clean.

You are pure and will proceed

Oh, my love,

I smile from excitement.
I smile for your future days
When your spine will be made of
your own words
your own thoughts
your own self
your own matter
your ownness.

I smile for your life, my darling,
which I will carry with you
until you become.

Until you become love.

•   •   •   •   •   •

I lie alone with your self
within me.
Holding tightly with my synapses
to your despair.
My God, where are you today?

I see a battle
bloody and raw
oozing and tearing the flesh
off my bones.

Where are you today?

Must it catalyze the future lives
of those torn to shreds?

I lie alone
and see flames
and ash.
the smoke irritates my eyes.

More smoke
until the surface of my lenses melts to my lids
and I am blinded.

At first I distantly hear smiles
as the flames die down.

then flame melts my ears shut.

I saw a phoenix once.

But I watched her burn again
and again.
in a different body each time.

So I shook hands with the tongue of fire
who promised to char my senses
until I felt her flames no more.


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